KHR+LRRH MEGA PARODY

by ~BondofFlamex

Once upon a time, deep in the woods far, far away from civilization, there was a pretty cottage. This cottage belonged to the Sawada family, there was Papa Sawada Iemitsu, who was hardly ever around, Mama Sawada Nana, Little Sawada Tsunayoshi, better known as Tsuna. Little Tsuna was kind, gentle, and caring, loved by all. He had a bright red cape with a hood, a present from his beloved Grandfather, which he wore whenever he left the cottage, be it only for a minute, or for a long period of time, so attached he was to it. This earned him the nickname of 'Little Tsuna Red Riding Hood'.

One day, Mama Sawada called Little Tsuna into the kitchen where she was cooking. "Grandfather is sick with a cold," she told him. "if you don't mind, would you please visit him to see how he is doing?" Little Tsuna, eager to see his grandfather, happily agreed before donning his cape, picking up the basket of fruits his mother had prepared and skipping out of the door.

"Don't stray from the path, no matter what birds, flowers, or infant hitmen you may see along the way," Mama Sawada called to Little Tsuna Red Riding Hood just before he entered the Deep Dark Woods.

Little Tsuna Red Riding Hood was enchanted by the scenery as he walked along the narrow forest path. The wild flowers! The chirping of the birds! The fresh smell of the morning dew, the spring breeze cool against his skin! Oh, what beauty, incapable of being put into words! Not to mention that the breeze was especially welcome because he was sweating to death under his red hood.

But alas, alack, for along came Hibari Wolf! Hibari Wolf was fierce, savage… and terribly grumpy as he had not managed to bite anyone to death at all for several days. Not a single one! But Lady Luck was shining on him that day! Along the path came Little Tsuna Red Riding Hood who stepped off the path, his mother's warning forgotten, to pick a flower. Hibari Wolf flinched at the cruelty he had just witnessed! "What an abominable child!" he thought. "Killing an innocent flower just like that! Such a vile act cannot possibly be pardoned! He shall be bitten to death for disrupting the peace of the woods!" The little yellow bird riding his shoulder cheeped in agreement and put on its scariest-looking scary face… which was rather cute, actually.

Now, Hibari Wolf may have been angry, but he was a clever wolf. He knew that he couldn't just storm up to Little Tsuna Red Riding Hood and tonfa him in the face. So he hatched a plan. Approaching him, he asked in a sickeningly sweet voice, "Little boy, little boy, where are you going so bright and early in the morning?"

Little Tsuna Red Riding Hood, also forgetting his mother's frequent reminders no to talk to strangers, replied, "My grandfather is sick, so I am visiting him to see how he is doing."

"And where might he be right now?"

"His house is right down this path," Little Tsuna Red Riding Hood said and foolishly pointed in the direction of his grandfather's house.

Hibari Wolf said his thanks, then proceeded to Little Tsuna Red Riding Hood's grandfather's house at the speed of light. Once there, he broke down the door forcefully and entered. Little Tsuna's grandfather turned out to be Giotto, the great Vongola Decimo in the actual storyline, who put up a rather large struggle against Hibari Wolf. And he would have won, rightfully, but he kindly allowed himself to be defeated, tied up, gagged and hidden in a cupboard for the sake of this storyline. How noble.

Hibari Wolf had only just enough time to cover his wolf ears with a hat and climb into Grandfather Giotto's bed before Little Tsuna Red Riding Hood rang the doorbell. "Grandfather! I'm here to visit you!" he said. Hibari Wolf told him to enter in his terrible imitation of a croaky voice and Little Tsuna entered the bedroom several seconds later, talking happily and offering the basket of fruits to the person he thought was his grandfather. Hibari Wolf was, naturally, stunned beyond belief. "Surely this horrendous child's eyesight cannot be that bad? Did he not notice the broken door at the doorway? Or such obvious signs of a struggle which had taken place in this room? Or at least that I look NOTHING like his dear grandfather at all?" he wondered.

"Grandfather, what big eyes you have!" Little Tsuna Red Riding Hood exclaimed all of a sudden, jolting Hibari Wolf out of his train of thoughts. Said wolf gave a terribly fake smile, which looked more like a grimace, in all honesty, and replied, "All the better to see you with, dear child," though silently thinking that Little Tsuna's grandfather's eyes were at least twice the size of his.

"Grandfather, what big and sharp teeth you have!"

"All the better to bite you to death with!" Hibari Wolf snapped, abandoning his fail-worthy disguise once and for all. And good riddance.

Little Tsuna Red Riding Hood HIIIEEE-ed.

As if on cue, someone flew into the room. Not because he was running fast enough to shame an Olympic runner, but because…

"Ouch," the blond newcomer said, sitting up and rubbing his head. "I just HAD to trip on the last stair and ruin my cool entrance."

Welcome to the story, Hunter Dino.

"Dino-san!" Little Tsuna Red Riding Hood practically had tears of joy in his eyes from seeing his (assumed) savior.

"Don't you worry, Tsuna!" Dino cried courageously, pulling out a bow and several arrows from seemingly nowhere. "I shall save you!" He took aim at Hibari Wolf, then released the bow…

And missed by metres. Silence fell upon the room but Dino refused to give up and kept trying. Although his spirit was commendable, the fact that he hit everything but Hibari Wolf, Little Tsuna Red Riding Hood and the cupboard itself (miraculously) instead was NOT commendable.

Hibari Wolf was now bored beyond imagination. He stood perfectly still, arms crossed, listening to Hibird's (who was outside the window, perched on a tree, and was therefore safe from harm) singing, while watching Dino's pathetic attempts to shoot him. It was downright absurd. He wasn't moving the slightest inch, yet it was as if it was impossible to hit him. Ridiculous.

"Forget about it," he finally said, leaving the room. " Being with you two has a negative impact on my mental health. Especially since you," he glared at Dino, " seem to defy all laws of common sense. I'm leaving." With that, Hibari Wolf left, and was never seen again. Well… the story IS going to end soon, anyway…

But was it REALLY a happily ever after? Generally, yes. But Dino did destroy Giotto's house after all, and said person was doubtlessly displeased.